Holidays with Aging Parents: Six Signs of Concern
By Nina Pflumm Herndon, MAG, CMC, CLPF
Founder and Executive Director, Sage Eldercare Solutions
If you have older parents, particularly if they don’t live close by, it might be months since you last visited in person. The upcoming holidays offer the perfect opportunity to gather and reconnect over shared memories and meaningful conversations. It’s also a good time to pay attention to signs of health changes in your parents, including altered mobility, cognitive decline, and loneliness or isolation. To help, our team of aging life care professionals at Sage Eldercare Solutions has created a short list of “red flags” to look for during a visit with older parents.
6 Signs of Concern with Aging Parents
- Inadequate Food Supply: Check their refrigerator. Are the shelves bare? Is the fridge full of spoiled food? Is it appropriately stocked with essentials?
- Poor Grooming: How are Mom and/or Dad dressed? Are they well-groomed and wearing clean, unstained clothes or are they wearing the same outfit for several days in a row?
- Medications Not Refilled or Not Taken: Check the status of their medications. Look at the vials and see when medications were last filled. Does it look like medication vials are full and not being taken?
- Overdue Bills: Do you see a stack of overdue bills? Is unopened mail piling up on their desk or kitchen table?
- Difficulty with Word Finding or Trouble Sharing Specifics: Are your parents struggling to find the right word? Are they very general in describing what happened or who they spoke to? Are they forgetting familiar names and places?
- Signs of Loneliness/Isolation: Is the TV on all day? Do they seem restless, irritable, or detached? Do they see friends, siblings, or other peers in person regularly? Loneliness and isolation are harmful to both physical and mental health–and good mental health is linked to cognitive well-being. Older adults benefit meaningfully from engagement in activities that bring them a sense of purpose, connection, and joy.
How to Start the Conversation
If you notice any of these signs, wait for a calm moment to broach the subject, ideally when you’re still together. Ask how things are going. Ask if there’s anything your parent(s) find stressful or need help with—then listen for an opening or a moment of recognition. Do your best to avoid putting your parent(s) on the defensive.
If they’re not open to discussion on the topic, drop it for the rest of your visit and follow up with a phone call after you return home. Share things you noticed in a delicate, non-accusatory way. Try framing it as you being worried and how it will help you feel less anxious if they’d consider meeting with someone to explore options for getting them help or support. Let them know you want to ensure they’re getting everything they need. By talking in general terms, you can leave it to your parent(s) to define what kind of help they might need.
Expert Guidance for Eldercare Decisions and Planning
Most importantly, know you don’t have to walk this road alone. At Sage Eldercare, we put companion and home care services in place, help older adults or adults living with disabilities and their families navigate the overwhelming choices and transitions that come with aging or chronic health issues–and we bring the joy back. Our comprehensive eldercare services include:
- Professional Care Management services to help families make wise decisions and connect with the best local resources
- Specialized Home Care tailored to each client’s specific needs
- The Hummingbird Project, a one-on-one engagement activity program that achieves what no other program does—an unmatched focus on improving our clients’ quality of life
Feel free to contact us if you notice any concerns over the holidays. We can learn more about your parents and their situation through a complimentary consultation and guide you to the next steps that balance safety and autonomy. Click here to sign up for a consultation now!
Our team of social workers, gerontologists, counseling psychologists, and activity specialists thoroughly assesses our clients’ needs, helps families understand options, guides family decision-making, arranges the best level of care, and proactively manages that care on an ongoing basis. For our home care clients, we directly employ a team of care attendants who deliver in-home care that encompasses the activities of daily living with an unparalleled focus on quality of life.
